2018 you were a bitch...or maybe I was the bitch....but in the end you gave me acceptance and wisdom and I am thankful!
2018 was the first year I decided to jump into photography full time. It was a year of learning, comparison, criticism, tears, great joy, kick ass clients and sessions and growth! Did my business catapult? No. Did it flop? Heck no! I made some amazing photographer friends, ladies & gents you know who you are! I built amazing friendships with photographers I went to school with years ago, who have taken me along on some amazing wedding adventures and I have learned so much from them about business and life in general! The best mushroom hot chocolate, the best audio books, marketing tips, how to set goals and how to just a kick ass human in general! I won Best Photographer in Moose Jaw, what an unexpected honour! And I got to create memories for the most incredible clients I could ever dream of!
2018 was a brutal year for my mental health! I realized that my self care had gone out the window by my own making. I am positive I rocked the same hoodie and sweat pants for nearly 80 percent of 2018! I screamed at my kids, I resented my husband - all for reasons that I do not even know! I stopped doing things I love - I didn’t pick up a book, didn’t paint, do crafts, dance and that list goes on and on. I never took responsibility for my own happiness. I never let myself ask for help! At a breaking point when I realized I had no idea what the fuck I was so angry and sad about, a person came into my life by some form of divine intervention! I met a women, an intuitive life coach during a photo session and she rocked my whole world! She changed my life and I am not even exaggerating that a little bit! I will never EVER be able to thank her enough for her words and support! Stay in your own lane Brittany! Fill your cup first Brittany! Value yourself! Love yourself! You are worthy! You are loved! I have been told these things of course in my life by people who love me, but deep down I didn’t think I was enough and for some reason, I might not ever understand, but Amanda, she made me open up to believing these things when my family, husband and friends said them to me. She is a star!
In 2018 my husband received a job offer that we were not expecting or prepared for. To leave the company he had been with for years in Moose Jaw and take a new job in Regina. If this had come 3 years prior I wouldn’t have blinked and said yes, but now we owned a home, had babies, built a life. This decision was HARD! We cried a lot making it, we weighed pros and cons, we thought about all of the what if’s, we asked for a lot of peoples opinions! In the end we decided that he would take the job. I have nothing but kind words for the company he left, but a few weeks ago at his staff Christmas party, I actually said to his new boss, “this was such a hard decision and now I really have no idea why!”
In August of 2018, my Grandmas farm house was moved from the farm in Quill Lake and into town. When my Uncle told me that she had finally agreed to move into town I was floored! When he told me she only agreed if the farmhouse came with her my heart burst into a million pieces. It was as if in some way a tie to my dad was breaking, dad passed away when I was 15 and the pain is deep. I knew I had to be there when it happened. So that weekend in August I went to the farm with my camera and my tears and I watched in amazement at the guys lifting and moving that house. I followed my auntie Gwen around as she made video commentary for her kids back home and I stared at my uncle Ronnie in hopes that he would not cry because that would break me. As we were sitting on old lawn chairs, my aunt asked my uncle how he felt about the move. I prepared myself for whatever his response was and then he said the words, “relieved,” and my heart was full! Had he cried or said he was sad or had regret, I would have fell to the ground...not an exaggeration! He said relieved and suddenly I was not sad about it anymore! The farm holds ties to my dad of course! But the farm will always be there, even without the house on it. I am so thankful that I got to be there to see this huge day for the Marshall family take place! I am glad I got to capture it on film. My favourite moment came when I watched my Grandma, Uncle Ronnie and Auntie Gwen sit on an old bench in the yard in front of a pile of garbage and look at the spot where the house used to be. I took a few photos, they were laughing and I was smiling and then I noticed the Loomis bag to the left of them. Both my dad and my auntie Liza had worked for Loomis in their lives. And in that moment I knew that the whole family, whether still here or in the bigger & brighter were together and all was right in my world!
In 2018 I photographed the birth of one of my best friends son. Branson came into the world in crazy circumstances! His momma laboured long and hard with her older sister and niece by her side, while going through a terribly hard time in their family and 12 hours after his birth, they left the hospital and drove from Saskatoon to Tisdale and she said her last goodbye to her younger sister. Life came full circle for my amazing friend in those few days! I witnessed unbelievable strength and love that night. I cried and I laughed and can’t even put into words how incredibly honoured I am to have been there!
2018 was a year of beginnings for me! New outlooks, new hopes, new love for myself, I accepted that I need help in life, I talked about my feelings, I realized that I don’t have to be perfect - what is perfect anyways! I sent my baby to pre K, I laughed a lot, I cried more, but that’s OK! I learned that I am damn lucky to have the life I have! Most of all I believed that I am worthy of all the love and happiness that this world throws at me!
So here’s to 2019 being another year of growth, love and acceptance. To many adventures with my incredible, wild Brier & Brooks and the most amazing partner I could ask for, my B. To my family, my friends and my supporters - all the best in 2019!
love & light to all!